{"title":"The Afterlife Filed a Complaint","description":"\u003cp\u003eDeath had one job. Then it met you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSarcastic Halloween shirts for people the supernatural has asked to stop contacting it. Exorcists request transfers. Demons leave quietly. A pigeon takes the contract because apparently standards are seasonal.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFour bad omens. Three carefully chosen shirt colors. Absolutely no character development.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"my-exorcist-asked-for-a-fucking-transfer-tee","title":"My Exorcist Asked for a Fucking Transfer — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePossession was going well until Human Resources got involved.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe exorcist filed the paperwork. The transfer was approved. You remain the department’s problem. A sober personnel form with a rust-red stamp, printed on Natural cotton for that freshly rejected look.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eThe fabric has done nothing wrong\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton. Zero character development.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBella + Canvas 3001 unisex tee. Soft, lightweight fabric with a little stretch; your excuses remain rigid.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²). Light enough to carry the joke without becoming the joke.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk fabric, side seams and shoulder-to-shoulder taping. At least something here has structure.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNatural shirt with a front DTG print. The back has wisely declined to comment.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted to order. Check the size guide before choosing; confidence is not a unit of measurement. Sizes and prices are shown in the selector.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe fabric can be slightly sheer, especially in lighter colors or bright light. Transparency: finally, a quality we can claim.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBlank garment sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras or the US. Product images are supplier mockups; colors and print appearance can vary from your screen.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade after you order. Fulfillment and delivery estimates depend on the selected size and destination. Check shipping information before ordering for a particular date; the afterlife is not a logistics guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"T-Shit","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":54058932568358,"sku":"1290913_14681","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":54058932601126,"sku":"1290913_14682","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":54058932633894,"sku":"1290913_14683","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":54058932666662,"sku":"1290913_14684","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54058932699430,"sku":"1290913_14685","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54058932732198,"sku":"1290913_14686","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":54058932764966,"sku":"1290913_14687","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":54058932797734,"sku":"1290913_14688","price":48.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1042\/5008\/1574\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-natural-front-6aca1fd532323.jpg?v=1791631335"},{"product_id":"the-demon-left-said-i-made-it-weird-tee","title":"The Demon Left. 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At least something here has structure.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAsphalt shirt with a front DTG print. The back has wisely declined to comment.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted to order. Check the size guide before choosing; confidence is not a unit of measurement. Sizes and prices are shown in the selector.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe fabric can be slightly sheer, especially in lighter colors or bright light. Transparency: finally, a quality we can claim.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBlank garment sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras or the US. Product images are supplier mockups; colors and print appearance can vary from your screen.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade after you order. Fulfillment and delivery estimates depend on the selected size and destination. Check shipping information before ordering for a particular date; the afterlife is not a logistics guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"T-Shit","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":54058934731046,"sku":"6273749_4031","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":54058934763814,"sku":"6273749_4032","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":54058934796582,"sku":"6273749_4033","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54058934829350,"sku":"6273749_4034","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54058934862118,"sku":"6273749_4035","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":54058934894886,"sku":"6273749_5297","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":54058934927654,"sku":"6273749_5312","price":48.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1042\/5008\/1574\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-asphalt-front-6aca21160315e.jpg?v=1791631658"},{"product_id":"my-haunting-got-outsourced-to-a-pigeon-tee","title":"My Haunting Got Outsourced to a Pigeon — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe haunting budget was reviewed. This is what survived.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOne ordinary pigeon. One contractor badge. Absolutely no supernatural qualifications. Ivory artwork on Autumn cotton for a haunting with excellent cost control and alarming deliverables.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eThe fabric has done nothing wrong\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton. Zero character development.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBella + Canvas 3001 unisex tee. Soft, lightweight fabric with a little stretch; your excuses remain rigid.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²). Light enough to carry the joke without becoming the joke.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk fabric, side seams and shoulder-to-shoulder taping. At least something here has structure.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAutumn shirt with a front DTG print. The back has wisely declined to comment.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted to order. Check the size guide before choosing; confidence is not a unit of measurement. Sizes and prices are shown in the selector.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe fabric can be slightly sheer, especially in lighter colors or bright light. Transparency: finally, a quality we can claim.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBlank garment sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras or the US. Product images are supplier mockups; colors and print appearance can vary from your screen.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade after you order. Fulfillment and delivery estimates depend on the selected size and destination. Check shipping information before ordering for a particular date; the afterlife is not a logistics guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"T-Shit","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":54058941579558,"sku":"3361792_10383","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":54058941612326,"sku":"3361792_10384","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":54058941645094,"sku":"3361792_10385","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":54058941677862,"sku":"3361792_10386","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54058941710630,"sku":"3361792_10387","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54058941743398,"sku":"3361792_10388","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":54058941776166,"sku":"3361792_10389","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":54058941808934,"sku":"3361792_10390","price":48.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1042\/5008\/1574\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-autumn-front-6aca2370b13a4.jpg?v=1791632258"},{"product_id":"i-sold-my-soul-they-opened-a-fucking-dispute-tee","title":"I Sold My Soul. 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At least something here has structure.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNatural shirt with a front DTG print. The back has wisely declined to comment.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted to order. Check the size guide before choosing; confidence is not a unit of measurement. Sizes and prices are shown in the selector.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe fabric can be slightly sheer, especially in lighter colors or bright light. Transparency: finally, a quality we can claim.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBlank garment sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras or the US. Product images are supplier mockups; colors and print appearance can vary from your screen.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade after you order. Fulfillment and delivery estimates depend on the selected size and destination. 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